We want him to ...

Here's an example where English uses a different grammar structure than we might expect.


Most Polish students tend to say something like this:


We want that he doesn't give us homework.


This is a translation of Polish grammar, and it seems to make sense.  How else would we say it?  Unfortunately, it's not correct. The structure we use in English goes like this:


We don't want him to give us homework.
OR
We want him not to give us homework.


When we speak in English about our wants, desires and intentions for other people, we use the form


I want, you want, he wants, etc. + object pronoun (i.e., me, you, him, her, it, us, them) or noun + infintive verb


So we can say any of the following:


I want her to marry me.
She wants me to leave her alone.


They want their elder son to set a good example for his siblings.
He wants them to let him live his own life.


We want you to go to university and get a good education.
You want us to stop interfering with your decisions.


Negatives can be made either by changing I want, etc. to I don't want, or by adding the word not before the infinitive verb.


We don't want you to drop out of school.
We want you not to drop out of school.


The first structure is a bit less awkward, but sometimes we need to use the second.  Very often, though, instead of using a negative version of this structure, we prefer to use a different structure:


We'd prefer you didn't drop out of school.

I don't think so, do you?

Happy new year!  Here's a simple but important one.  I hear many Polish students of English answering questions like this:
  
I think yes.
I think no.
I think I won't pass the exam.


All of these are clear enough--but not natural English.  In the case of the first two examples, native speakers are more likely to say:


I think so.
I don't think so.


Note that we say this only in isolation, that is, if we're only going to make a short response to a question, or a fact or opinion that was already stated.  For example:


--Is it getting colder outside?    --I think so.
--I bet he's got a lot of money.    --I don't think so.


We do not use this form when we're introducing an opinion or a fact.  We don't say:


I think so that it's getting colder outside.


In that case, we'd just take out the word so and say:


I think that it's getting colder outside.  


When we are expressing a negative opinion, that is, saying that we disagree, we are more likely to use this form:


I don't think I'm going to pass the exam.


instead of:


I think I'm not going to pass the exam.


In other words, we move the negative (not) so that it applies to the verb think. 

Lectures and Readings

Today's entry is about vocabulary confusion caused by something called a "false friend."  That is, a word that looks similar in two languages, but does not mean the same thing.  We've got a lot of these in English and Polish, and we'll be looking at quite a few of them.  Today's example is the word lecture.  It looks like lektura, so many students assume there's no difference, and use one as they would use the other.

However, English lecture does not mean "something we have to read for school (usually something long and boring)."  The word for that is reading--very often called required reading.  For example: in many American schools, the Constitution is required reading.  In this case, reading can be a countable or an uncountable noun.  We might say, for example: I've got five readings to do this weekend OR this lesson contains a dialog and a reading (countable).  But we can also say: My literature teacher assigned a lot of reading for this semester (uncountable).

A lecture is what we call in Polish wykład--that is, somebody giving a talk or a speech, usually about an academic subject.  For example: today a professor at Jagiellonian University is giving a lecture on economic theory.

The words lecture and lektura, by the way, both come from the Latin word for read, but have taken slightly different paths in their evolution.

Getting to Know You

Here's another area of frequent confusion.  I often hear Polish students saying things like, "Then I will get to know what really happened."  There seems to be a common misconception that Polish dowiedzieć się should be translated as "to get to know."

Actually, in English we "get to know" people, not facts.

First we meet somebody--we are introduced to them at a party, or we start to talk to them in a business or social situation.  After we have met someone, we usually know his name--perhaps not his full name, but at least his first name--and something about him, for instance, where he works, where he lives, who his friends are, something that he likes.  Still, we can't say we really know this person.  We usually don't say we know somebody until we have spent some time with him and know more about him.

The next stage is getting to know him, or getting acquainted with him.  The words acquainted and acquaintance scare many Polish students off, but they are really not that difficult.  This stage usually lasts from a few weeks to a few months, as we spend more time with him.  We find out more about his personality, his likes and dislikes, perhaps about his past, his family, or his plans for the future.

Also, we use the word acquaintance to mean somebody whom we have met, or whom we know slightly--in other words, we know her name and her face and perhaps what her job is, but we don't really know anything else about her.  In other words, this person is not a stranger, but not exactly a friend either.

Finally, when we have gotten to know someone, or have gotten acquainted with him, we say that we know him and we usually say he is a friend, or maybe an associate (in business).  We use the word friend much more freely and loosely in English than we use equivalent words in Polish and other languages.  We do not have to be intimate with somebody to call that person a friend.  We just have to know her and be on friendly terms with her.

Now let's go back to dowiedzieć się.  If we can't say "get to know," what can we say?

We usually say to find out or to learn.  Here are a few sample sentences:

Jane found out who had stolen her bicycle.
I learned the truth about this incident from the newspapers.
Did you ever find out who sent you that anonymous valentine?
I don't know what happened, but I'm going to find out.
It wasn't until the next morning that he learned the results of the election.

More about Weddings

Last time we looked at marriage, weddings, and related subjects.  Today we'll take a closer look at the wedding itself.  Remember, the wedding can refer to the religious or civil ceremony, or to the party or reception, or both.

Usually both the bride and the groom choose some of their friends or relatives to be part of the ceremony.  The bride's friends are called bridesmaids, while the groom's friends are called groomsmen.  In both of these groups, there is usually one person who has a special position.  For the groom, this is the best man.  For the bride: the maid of honour.  But because maid traditionally meant unmarried woman, if the woman that the bride chooses is married, she is called the matron of honour.

The bride, the groom, the bridesmaids and groomsmen all together are called the wedding party.  Here, party does not mean a celebration, but a group of people (similar to political party).  Very often, the wedding party meets a day or two before the wedding for a wedding rehearsal, in which everybody learns what they are supposed to do and where they are supposed to go during the wedding ceremony.  This is often followed by a rehearsal supper, so that everyone can have something to eat and, if some members of the wedding party are strangers to each other, they can get acquainted.*

In small weddings, the wedding party may also be very small, with only a best man and a maid or matron of honour.

One custom is that the bridesmaids often wear identical dresses--identical, that is, except for size!

Traditionally, the best man proposes the first toast at the reception.  That is, he lifts up his glass and makes a short speech about the bride and groom.  Then, everybody drinks. 

After the reception, the bride and groom, who are now called newlyweds, usually leave for a short trip known as a honeymoon.  The honeymoon used to last a whole month (there is a connection between month and moon), but these days it's more likely to be a week to ten days.

*get acquainted--this and connected expressions will be the focus of the next entry.

Tying the Knot

We've looked at birth and death--now let's look at marriage.  Here's a topic in which it's easy to make mistakes in English.  We'll look here at present-day customs in England, America and some of the other English-speaking countries.  Of course, not everybody follows these customs.

We start with two people, generally a man and a woman, usually but not always young.  Let's imagine that their names are Mark and Brittany.  They have been going out together for two years, and they've decided to get married.

First, they become engaged.  Traditionally, Mark gives Brittany a diamond ring as a token of their engagement.  Here, we borrow some words from French: Brittany is now Mark's fiancee; Mark is now Brittany's fiance.  Notice the difference in spelling.  Normally, an accent is used over the first e, but we don't have one available at the moment.  In recent years, engagement parties have become popular, as the engaged couple celebrates with their families and friends.

(In older books and documents, instead of engaged and engagement, you may find the words betrothed and betrothal.  These are now considered old-fashioned and are rarely used any more.)

Following the engagement, the couple starts to plan the wedding.  This is the ceremony in which the man and the woman are joined, wedded or married.  This ceremony can be religious or civil (performed by somebody in the government).  The man is called the groom--a short form of bridegroom--and the woman is called the bride.  Sometimes, not long before the wedding, the friends (mostly female) of the bride organise a bridal shower.  This has nothing to do with getting clean--it's a kind of party, featuring a shower of gifts for the bride, who at this point is often called the bride-to-be.

As for the groom, instead of a shower he usually has a bachelor party in which, traditionally, his male friends take him out for an evening of drinking and partying.

Finally, it's time for the couple to get married.  Let's look here at what we CAN say and what we CAN'T say.

Mark is marrying Brittany.  Brittany is marrying Mark.
Correct: to marry somebody.  Incorrect: to marry with somebody.

Mark is getting married to Brittany.  Brittany is getting married to Mark.
Correct: to get married to somebody.  Incorrect: to get married with somebody.

Getting married is sometimes called tying the knot.  This expression is informal but popular.

We can also say that the priest, rabbi, justice of the peace, or whoever performs the ceremony marries Mark and Brittany.  This can sometimes be confusing.

When the wedding is finished, it is often followed by a reception, or party--known as wesele in Polish. However, in the English-speaking countries this party usually lasts only from three to six hours, whereas a Polish wedding is famous for going on all night and into the next day.

When somebody says, "I'm going to a wedding," it is not immediately clear whether they mean the ceremony, the reception, or both.  Both the ceremony and the reception are often referred to as weddings.  Notice that we go to a wedding (NOT on a wedding) and we are at a wedding (again, NOT on a wedding).

Afterward, Mark is no longer a groom, but a husband; Brittany is no longer a bride, but a wife.  Together, though, Mark and Brittany are still a couple.  We do not say they are a marriage.  In English, the word marriage refers only to the state of being married or the relationship between the married partners, not to the people themselves.  We can now say that Mark and Brittany are a married couple.  For the first few years, we can also say they are a newly-married couple or that they are newlyweds.

Incorrect:  A marriage lives next door to us.
Correct:  A married couple lives next door to us.

Here's what Mark might say, twenty years after the wedding:

Brittany and I got married twenty years ago.  She sure was a beautiful bride!  I could hardly believe I was really marrying her.  Our wedding was a wonderful occasion.  The priest who married us was a long-time friend of my family.  The reception was held at a restaurant and everybody had a great time.  Brittany and I have had a very good marriage for twenty years, and even though we're not newlyweds any more, we're still happy together.  Our friends say we're a lovely old married couple.

There are many other words and expressions connected with marriage that we should look at, but we'll save them for another occasion.

Birth in English

Today, let's turn to a happier subject: birth.  How do we talk about it?  Many Polish students have problems in this area--and no wonder.  English and Polish go about this subject in very different ways.

In Polish we say Urodziłem (urodziłam) się, the same way (grammatically speaking) we would say Ogoliłem się, like something we do to or for ourselves.

But in an older form of English, people would say, A woman bears a child.  They used the verb to bear, which has nothing to do with a bear (an animal), but instead means something like carry.  It is still correct to say a woman bears a child, but it's a bit old-fashioned. 

Nowadays, people prefer to say, A woman gives birth.  Notice we don't say a birth.  In this sense, birth is uncountable.  A woman gives birth to a baby.

Getting back to the verb to bear--this is an irregular verb.  We don't say bear/beared/beared.  Instead, we use bear/bore/borne.  The spelling has changed, but basically when we want to say Urodziłem (urodziłam) się in English, we have to use the passive form of this verb.  The way English speakers think, the baby doesn't do anything.  The baby is passive during the whole process.  The mother does all the work.  So we say that a baby is born (present simple passive), has been born (present perfect passive), was born (past simple passive) and so on.

Most of the time, we use the past simple version, especially when we talk about ourselves:

I was born on 25 February 1943.

She was born in Poland.

They were all born in the maternity ward of a hospital thirty years ago.

We DON'T say: I borned.   We DON'T say: my mother borned me.  Both of these are completely incorrect--and worse yet, if we use them, other people might not understand us.

We can use the present simple version (a child is born) or occasionally the present perfect (a child has been born) to announce news.  A famous American Christmas hymn goes:

Go tell it on the mountain that Jesus Christ is born.

We should also remember that we use birth, born, etc. metaphorically, to mean "created" or "become":

A star is born (someone who was not famous has suddenly become famous--a star)

The idea of liberty was born in the hearts and minds of the people.